As some of you may already know, I was once a Seattle Super Sonics fan. I lived in Seattle for a number of years, but had moved away by the time the Sonics moved to Oklahoma City. Since I no longer felt ties with Seattle, I decided there was no harm in changing my allegiance to the Oklahoma City Thunder. I gave them up, however, when Clay Bennett decided that Oklahoma City was a small market city (you know, AFTER moving the team from a bigger market) and the market can’t afford the luxury tax from a James Harden contract extension. To take it one step further, this Clay Bennet fellow, worth $400 million dollars, has not paid a single dollar in luxury tax since acquiring the team (NEVER A DOLLAR SPENT ON LUXURY TAX, he should have the tattooed on his fucking face). And Oklahoma City wonders why they don’t win the chip with Durant. Anyways, at this time, I gave up. I sold my Kevin Durant jersey and put my fandom up for sale. I remained a free agent, only gaining interest from a few team, and was mostly focused on being a non-Warrior fan….one may describe me as a hater (I’m convinced that 75% of Warrior fans are SF transplants working in the tech industry who couldn’t tell you Steph’s dad’s name, but will post videos of his daughter doing the whip/nae nae on facebook).
Anyways, back to the point of this post. I recently decided that I wanted to take on a team. I wanted to feel passionate about a basketball team as I do my football (Seahawks) and baseball (Mariners) teams. While watching the finals, I was cheering for Matthew “OUTBACK JESUS, CALL ME DELLY CAUSE I’M YOUR DADDY” Dellavedova because I followed a bit of St. Mary’s basketball in college (still waiting to see Omar Samhan play in the NBA) and I had no allegiance to either side (lil bit for Cleveland because, again, fuck the Warriors). I realized, I needed a team. I needed a team that I can follow through trials and tribulations…to share my ups and downs with. And this began my search for my new (temporary) team…because I’m obviously switching over to a new Seattle franchise once that day comes.
As I was narrowing down my choice I decided I could not cheer for any team who had made the NBA finals in the last decade since Seattle lost a team, or else I’m just a fucking rotten bandwagoner. That eliminated a fair amount. For those counting, I just eliminated the Warriors, Cavs, Heat, Spurs, Thunder, Mavs, Celtics, Lakers, Detroit. I went further and decided I’m just gonna eliminate all West Coast teams since I didn’t want to feel guilty switching to Seattle. It’s like when you break up with a girl, and you still want to get back together with the girl, so if you date, you date someone outside the circle of friends and 3 degrees away (like the 7 degrees of Kevin Bacon game, but real life). To narrow down further, I eliminated any teams that have made the playoffs in the last five years. Unsurprisingly, the list was short and I was essentially choosing between the Knicks and the Sixers. As much as I love Hinkie, I needed at least one player I could cheer for on a nightly basis so thus my Knicks fanhood began. (Side note: I’ve been a quite a few cities in the United States; the Windy City, the City by the Bay, City of Angels, Beantown….but never have I been to the Mecca)
I’m not sure if many of you follow basketball, but the Knicks fucking suck. The team is Melo….and that’s about it, and he was injured….like the whole season.
Highlights of the team include:
- Lou “Can’t hit a fucking layup” Amundson,
- Cole “Don’t have teeth” Aldrich,
- JR “Layin the pipes” Smith
- Alexy “Look like Rubio, play like an asshole” Shved
Look at that smug ass fucking face. He hated New York so much, he went BACK TO EUROPE. He was like FUCK THIS BULLSHIT
To top it off, their future looked pretty bleak. They put together some cap space by trading away JR and Shumpert, but couldn’t shed Jose Calderon (who by the way is making like 12 mil and he’s 40. Only the Knicks). They traded away a great deal of draft picks, although managed to hold on to their pick this year. And Melo isn’t getting any younger. Only player that can resemble a “prospect” in any way is probably Langston Galloway…undrafted free agent, Langston Galloway.
And then, the NBA Draft came. We all knew the top three would be Karl Anthony Towns (aight), Deangelo Russell (bust), and Jahlil Okafor (BUST), but the fourth pick owned by the Knicks was still undecided. There were plenty to choose from…I personally liked Emmanuel Mudiay and thought he would be a nice steal at 4 (since before he went to the fraud of a school by Deion Sanders, he was technically first in his class). The Knicks surprised em all and went with Kristaps Porzingis, better known as Prozingod. Even though
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